Saying “No!” to Perfectionism

Why is it that so many women struggle with the need to be perfect? Our western culture requires of us to fit into a stereotype mould and do it well. In the 1950’s women were expected to become the perfect home-maker. Today, we are expected to work, play, raise a family, run a tight ship at home and dress to impress. Even in the homeschooling community, there is a struggle to obtain perfection in trying to model our lives after the perfect ideal of a homeschooling mother.

My eldest daughter is very intuitive and as I have been grappling with this very concept of perfectionism, she wrapped her arms around me, and at the tender age of 10 and told me, “Mommy, I just want you to know that you are the perfect Mom for me in all the world and I love you just the way you are.” She has no clue that she had hit the nail on the head, without my verbalising anything.

Here I was feeling that I am not good enough and in her loving, compassionate way, my very own child, like an angel sent from God tells me that she loves me just as I am – imperfect, flawed and very human.
For as long as I can remember, I have struggled with the need to attain perfection. I have been running on this treadmill for long enough and it is time for me to

Get off the treadmill of perfection.

I have tried to be the perfect Christian, wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, sister-in-law, teacher, dancer, pianist, cook, citizen, student, etc. and failed, sometimes miserably.

I have spent so many sleepless nights and countless hours, worrying or replaying scenarios over and over in my mind as to why things went wrong or didn’t work out as expected. So much pressure to perform, all placed on me by my idea of the expectations of others. And of course, I’d take the blame for what went wrong, because somewhere, I must have failed in that situation. However, over the past two years, something has started to change in my thinking….
I have had grace for the mistakes of others, but not for my own mistakes. Why?

At the root of my perfectionism was the fear of rejection. This striving for perfectionism is ultimately about self-protection. Trying to protect myself from recurrences of not being good enough and the fear that something might recur in my life or make me unacceptable if I am not perfect.

The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines “perfectionism” as:
• a : the doctrine that the perfection of moral character constitutes a person’s highest good
b: the theological doctrine that a state of freedom from sin is attainable on earth
• a disposition to regard anything short of perfection as unacceptable

Cambridge Dictionary Online defines it as:
the wish for everything to be correct or perfect.

Oxford Dictionaries define it as:
• Refusal to accept any standard short of perfection.
• Philosophy A doctrine holding that perfection is attainable, especially the theory that human moral or spiritual perfection should be or has been attained.

Striving is a word that pops to mind in all of this, what are we striving for? Why do we spend so much of our energy on things that might not even be noticed by others? Why are we so tired? Why are we trying to be so perfect?

In her book “You’re Loved No Matter What”, Holley Gerth says this “Perfection is the stuff of divinity, not humanity. It’s weight is far too much for us.”

Wow! I am human. I don’t have to be perfect. I just have to be the best me I can be! Yes, I will make mistakes and at times I may fail miserably, but that is okay! Say you’re sorry if you need to, but move on, sister!

I have a friend and everytime we speak, somewhere in the conversation, she will say these words “Be Free, just be free”. This is what life is about FREEDOM!!
• You have freedom to make mistakes.
• You have freedom to say “No”.
• You have freedom to be who you are.
• You have freedom to carry less in life (you don’t have to do everything!).
• You have freedom to ignore the “Pharisees” (those who expect you to be perfect and attempt to model perfection in their own lives).
• You have freedom to take risks.

You don’t have to be tired anymore. You don’t have to live with a heart that’s afraid. You don’t have to feel as though you’re never enough, never quite measuring up.

You are enough and you are perfect, if you are being true to yourself and passionately pursuing your own purpose in life.

People love you for who you are, not for whom you try to emulate.

Get off the treadmill of perfection and embrace who you are. Start a new trend in your life and let it bubble over into the lives of those around you.

People accept us when we accept ourselves.