Posted on October 11, 2017
The tough part of mothering a girl
She says she’s “Okay”, but is she? I see the insecurity she masks so well. I see how she adapts her personality to fit in with what is okay in your group and what is not …… and my heart bleeds for her.
She is my child and my heart aches for her and all the little girls like her who have been forced to try and find ways to fit in with a group of girls who won’t accept her for who she is.
She is spontaneous, but she’s lost her spontaneity and it is most noticeable in a crowd of girls of her age because “you are either in or you are out”.
Where is the guidance of the older generation when it comes to girls relating to other girls, or girls accepting the differences in other girls?
Boys are different, they just get on with whatever it is they have in common.
But girls …. Girls have a set of rules – unspoken rules – that if you are not like me, you are not part of my clique. You either dress like me, do what I do, speak how I speak and do what I do, or you are not my friend. If you don’t adhere to the unspoken rules and hints that go with them, then they are spelled out to you in words.
This is not a new phenomenon, it is an age-old phenomenon and it just doesn’t get any better.
I know, I was told I was different on my first day of school. I always looked for the other girls who, just like me, were pushed into the side-lines – those who also were not included in the “IN” crowd – whatever that means.
Have you ever been lonely in a crowd? Have you ever been told that you are not good enough to be part of a group? Then you will understand what I mean.
Moms can make a difference by teaching their girls to be inclusive.
The world is filled with beautiful, interesting and diverse people. Everyone is unique and special.
I pray that this is the life lesson that my daughter learns: to love others as she loves herself, to make room for those who are different to her and to stand out from the crowd, confident and content to be her own person because she truly is a beautiful young lady.
Thank you for this article. I have the same concerns for my girls. The tender-hearted are so at risk in this cut-throat world. And I have seen it happen to my boys too. I pray for the fruits of the Spirit to be evidenced in our homes and in our hearts ❤️ And lots of forgiveness & grace
Thank you Joni, you are right, it is not only girls who go through this, but it is more evident in their lives. May we have the insight and wisdom to walk this road with our children to bring them to a place of accepting who they are in Christ and peacefully walking out their purpose.
Yes I know exactly what you talk about.
My daughter was not just pushed out by all her girl friends she ever had, but also by adult women who did to realize what a gift she is. She is and includes, a Ruth. Always wanting to be the true , loyal friend.
Today she is way beyond her age and have to handle much to mature, relationship issues that I think should be handled at the age of 14. She told me the other day, “Mom you know I would have loved to still play with dolls and doll houses and pretend playing, but my friends have grown up to fast ad I had to do that too.” That break my heart, because she had to mature to quickly, because she wouldn’t fit in if she still wanted to play with her dols. Know they sit on her shelve and they decorate her room.
I agree its just the same but much harder today for our girls, to survive this day and age.
Thank you for sharing your daughter’s story Roelien. The pressure to conform is so real. I wonder how many young girls are in the same predicament, but too scared to share with someone for fear of being ostracized. Your daughter is so blessed that she can share her heart with you.