No more Saviour Complex

“Freedom” has become a big word in my life.

One of the main things I’ve learned about myself is that I have had a Saviour Complex, pretty much my whole life long. Always wanting to save and protect others from bad things, or negative situations. Perhaps being the eldest had something to do with it too? Or perhaps it’s part of who I am? Whatever the reason, it is a tremendous responsibility to shoulder and a heavy blame to bear whenever someone messes up or doesn’t overcome their weaknesses or hardships. I have come to realise that I am only responsible for myself and for now, my family. Whew!

Here are some things that I jotted down as I took a good look at myself in my mental mirror:-

1. I cannot be responsible for someone else’s choices in life – THAT SETS ME FREE!
2. I am not responsible to make relationships work – it’s a joint effort – I can only meet someone halfway –    THAT SETS ME FREE!
3. I can love somebody, but that doesn’t mean I have to submit myself to their negativity, their fear nor their anger – THAT SETS ME FREE!
4. I can help others up to the point where they can help themselves – THAT SETS ME FREE!
5. I can reach out to others, if they reach back I can help, but if they don’t accept –THAT SETS ME FREE!

The conclusion: I AM FREE! (peaceful sigh)

I have also learned the meaning of a word that puts this all into perspective – the word – SOLIDARITY.

The assumption of a Saviour Complex is:
a. Those people can’t save themselves.
b. What I do is actually helpful.

Solidarity on the other hand means:
Union or Fellowship arising from common responsibilities and interests.  Solidarity asks these questions:
a. Who is most affected?
b. Who is most invested?
c. What solutions are those people proposing?
d. What do they require of me?

I think that this is the most relieving revelation I have received with regard to relationships.
I can only help those who want help, this saves my spiritual, emotional and physical energy for the things and people I can help.